The Big Decision

My partner and I have been together almost 11 years now. It seems like a very long time, but really, it is a very long time. We’re not married because we had other priorities, like the chance to live in Australia, then buy a house, then the big one, having a baby.

It took us a very long time to decide we were ready for children, mostly because I was training to be a child therapist and realised I did not want to work until my kids were in school. So we wanted to be in a good place financially to be able to make it work. We still have rough months but we make it work somehow.

Anyway, I digress. I remember us talking about having kids, 5 years ago, still getting annoyed at parents in the supermarket with out of control kids (oh how wrong I was I am so sorry for judging you!) and the sight of a baby was like “oh look, a baby… it looks so much… like a baby. I can’t imagine having someone totally rely on me that much, I’d lose my shit!”

Then a trip to New York Sept 15, seeing my cousin’s new baby (who I refused to hold because I had no idea how to hold a baby), his wife had made a passing comment “I wasn’t ready for kids either, then one day I woke up and was like, ‘I want a baby… NOW!’, it will happen just you wait.” Ahhh the lady doth protest too much (lady being me), but low and behold Christmas 2016 my partner and I had spent a lovely 2 weeks of Christmas together and something was different. We seemed ready, we were talking about it like we were ready, we felt ready, and decided that we weren’t going to try, but we were not going to stop it anymore and see what happened.

Low and behold first time (unlucky for his potent swimmers (and not the first time we had sex, I mean the first time we didn’t use protection)), after a few days I started to feel very weird.

I was 2 weeks from my period so the wait was awful, something was weird, I felt weird, everything around me was just very weird. People around me said that you can’t tell this early and I was being stupid, but something weird was happening; and as a person very attuned to my body (due to my career choice) I had a feeling but didn’t want to admit it. Even now as I write I still struggle to say it until I took the test.

I took the test a few days before my period and it was negative. Honestly, I was a bit disappointed because I didn’t realise I really wanted a baby, until I thought I might have been pregnant. So when it did come out negative I felt sad, but thought never mind, we can try again.

Now I should mention that my period is like clockwork. I know the exact date I should start my period and I always do as I have been tracking it for years. So the day my period was due (which obviously didn’t arrive) I thought something was up and took another test. There was a very faint line, I mean so faint I thought I was just imagining a line there, so again, thought nothing of it.

I spoke to my partner about it, he said not worry, it will happen when it happens, although I think I saw a little line, I might have been dreaming it.

After a few days of my period not coming, I took yet another test. This time, the line was definitely dark, there. I was pregnant!

pregnancy test

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