Group dynamics and Systems theory talks about how we as individuals play ‘roles’ or have roles put upon us within different groups.
Some roles, such as being a sister or mother are biological and natural; but also put upon us, other roles, such as the role we play in friendship groups or as an employee could be unconsciously made.
I ‘play’ many ‘roles’ in my life. From birth I have always been a sister as I am the youngest in my family. As I got older, there were other ‘roles’ in my life, such as student, and friend.
As I got older more and more ‘roles’ were taken on such as partner and my newest, mother.
I wonder if you and I sat down and listed all the ‘roles’ we play throughout our lives, the list would be a lot longer than you think.
I find it interesting to think about, but I also find it incredibly difficult to balance all these ‘roles’. I went through a period of challenging these ‘roles’ in my studying because there were elements I was not happy with ‘playing’.
Lately, I find it incredibly difficult to balance all of these ‘roles’ in my life. Currently I am working, looking after my baby, being a partner, family member, friend and trying to look after my house as well.
I’ll be honest, my house is a mess. The weekend is a “crap we have no clothes for the week I need to do laundry;” and “I need to wash the bed sheets;” and “I need to put all this crap away that has accumulated over the week;” and “I need to prep food for next week;” and “I need to get my own fitness in too!”
I feel incredibly guilty as I sometimes feel my relationship takes a back seat also. My priority is my child and he needs me, although I am finding he can be by himself for short periods so that is a win for me. But I can see the impact it has on my relationship. As well as trying to make time for my partner, Iw ant to make time for myself. I am with a baby all day, sometimes I just want to sit by myself and listen to music, or collect my thoughts, or play a game and escape from the present.
Being present all day is hard!
Especially since I look at my house and think to myself, I could be cleaning this mess up, but the reality is, I would rather be with my baby, talk to him, play with him, encourage him to do things.
I also find that I forget to call my family members too so they can see him. I don’t do it on purpose, my mind is just filled with a very long to do list, and eventually, something has to give. I’m not saying that my family always get forgotten, it depends on the day, lots of things get forgotten on a daily basis.
I noticed today I did so many things that makes me think my brain just shut off. I went to put my baby’s nappy on backwards, I put one of his tops on backwards, I went to throw one of his nappies away and almost put it in the fridge (wtf) and I almost drank his formula rather than my bottle of water.
It makes me wonder at times like this “who am I?” really? I want to make time for myself, but I feel that there is so much to do, making time for me and taking a step back is put on hold so that everything else can continue to go around.
At home sometimes I snap and I soon reflect on what impact that might have on my partner, I also notice that sometimes my partner may think of me as his motherly figure and does things. I make a real effort not to fall into that role as well.
What I am finding interesting thought, is my role as a mother. It is a totally new role to me which means I can choose what kind of mother I am rather than having that role put upon me. I’m sure the way I was mothered will have some form of impact on how I am a mother unconsciously, but it is exciting to think of the way I want to be a mother and how I may implement that role. What impact will it have on my son? How will he manage being born a son? What other exciting roles will be in his life?