I spoke about making time for ourselves as mummies because it is really important for me that I have the patience and calm to help my son grow and develop.
It can be very difficult to find time for myself a lot of the time because when I do get time away from bubs I’m either working, tidying up, exercising, doing food shopping (all hail food delivery!), managing finances or doing other admin on my laptop.
At other times when I get a moment I’m thinking about my baby and what I can do to give him the best start and enjoy life, learning and exploring. Whether that be food, or sensory, or brain development.
Or I’m trying to be mindful to myself and thinking about keeping my anxiety under control. Which by all means is no easy task.
All this and trying to stay present is very difficult.
I’ve noticed lately that I am a bit more impatient and feeling sad, which ends up making me want to switch off and not deal with anything. This is in some way good (as I rarely switch off, even when I’m asleep), but also bad because it means I am not present.
Tonight, after putting bubs to bed, I did a bit of admin that I had been meaning to do for ages, and then just sat curled up in my blanket watching a documentary. It got a little bit too much so had to turn it off (it was about child abuse, the Turpin 13.) I’m now laying in bed feeling incredibly sad for those children to endure such a horrible experience, all I want to do is cry for them.
So much for a little me time. I wonder if there is any way to truly switch off now that I am a mother? I’m always thinking about my baby if he’s not near me. Is he sleeping alright, has he had enough to eat, has he had enough naps?
Me time seems to turn into think about everything time. Rather than a switch off time. All these thoughts, feelings, plans, controlling everything and managing everything is incredibly exhausting!
Just earlier today when bubs was napping I came across a blog that suggested 10 things to do with your little one everyday. It made me think I need To make a schedule and do all this stuff with him, just another thing to add to my never ending to do list.
Never. Ending. List.
Being a mother I find now if I don’t write stuff down I forget as it isn’t important enough to remember and do straight away. With a baby it’s hard to do anything straight away.
So Me time ends up trying to remember things that I thought of but couldn’t write down at the moment I thought of it. Such as running of loo roll (it’s happened!) or baby wipes, or nappies (all happened!).
It just feels like there is no break now. This is it. My life is one long to do list.
It kind of feels like I am complaining about it. In a way yes, it would be nice to take a break, but I also love a good list and organising things when I have a good chunk of time.
Saturday bank holiday just gone I got a whole day to myself as Daddy took bubs to grandparents for the day. I went to work in the morning, gym straight after, then got home and cleaned my house for 4 hours. It was amazing (also exhausting) but my house looked incredible! My mind also felt clearer and I felt more relaxed. Until my partner and squidge got home and it all lasted about 5 minutes. Ha!
I guess what I’ve learnt is that it’s important to find time for what you enjoy, but also just sit and reflect or switch off (if that’s possible) for a few minutes.