I’m one of those people that likes to keep myself busy.
Whether that be playing with bubs, cleaning the house or escaping in a game on my phone once bubs is asleep.
I find it incredibly difficult to think about how I’m feeling, but it also means that I don’t make time to appreciate what I have either.
Which means that all these feelings build up and eventually come bursting out as anger, resentment or tears.
I’ve been feeling overwhelmed lately because little one is starting to want to walk places (by walk I mean hold mummies fingers to balance and walk to places), which means there really isn’t time to think about anything, because when he naps I pretty much sit down and rest also.
It does my back in as I’ve got problems with it anyway but I can’t deny him wanting to move either.
I’ve also noticed that I am bottling up feelings because everyone has their own stuff going on, so I don’t want to burden them with my stuff. Which leaves me feeling that incredibly lonely feeling again and again.
Being a mother can be very isolating, but also very rewarding. Isolating in the sense that sometimes the world ends up being shut out, not because you want to shut the world out, but because there is this tiny little person who relies on you and wants to do stuff with you (or move, in my case) and my world revolves around him. So the rest of the outside seems to just fade away sometimes.
Rewarding in the sense that when he changes or develops something new, it’s very exciting and puts smiles on my face. This sometimes gets lost and I don’t appreciate all the things he can, as well all the things I have done to get him at this point.
Yesterday, after he went to bed, I somehow ended up going through all his photo and videos I have taken thus far and the change is just incredible! It’s only been 7 months and he’s gone from being teeny weeny to being a tiny little human who is starting to be able to do stuff. We did that. It makes me feel warm inside.
However, with so little time (and being constantly tired) I find I don’t take the time to appreciate myself and my partner for doing what we have done thus far.
So this blog post is that of a positive one, even though I don’t feel very positive lately, I think I need to try and remember that being a mother is one of the hardest jobs in the world so I think it is important to take a step back, go through all photos and videos and just realise how far these little people have come with our help.