I’ve not been feeling very well these last few days. I think I caught what bubba had and what my partner also had. I felt weak, cold and pretty useless.
The worst was that I felt I couldn’t take care of my little one because I had very little patience and lacked attunement to his needs, which just made him more frustrated.
The cycle continues till we both end up very frustrated and it is neither of our faults, were just not in very good places.
Sometimes I find doing things on my own very difficult. I always wonder if I had an extra pair of hands then I could go rest while someone else attended to him until I felt better, but I also don’t know if I would trust someone else to be attuned to his needs. It’s very tricky.
Lately it is the little things that really get to me. Earlier I had an eyelash in my eye which I couldn’t get out and it was absolutely infuriating. Nothing worked, not even rinsing.
I notice when I don’t feel 100% I just can’t bring myself to have any patience. I just want things easy and calm because I feel like crap.
It feels like I have regressed somewhat, or I just want to be alone and not have to think about anyone else. However, I also know that wallowing and feeling sorry for myself just makes things ten times worse.
I find myself going around in circles sometimes because there is a part of me that wants to feel sorry for myself, but there is a part of me that also just wants to get on with it.
It feels like my Inner Child, which I have talked about a fair bit, is the one who wants to feel sorry for herself and just curl up into a ball and forget everything. The adult me understand it is important to get on with it, but also rest when I need to.
I am finding my Inner Child creeping a lot more lately in everyday life. However I suppose it is better to recognise it so I can help her and move forward, rather than be stuck doing the same things over and over again.
But all in all, feeling poorly when you have a child sucks!