I’ve been thinking about what kind of mum I am lately. It’s funny because I get the impression that people may think I know how to raise a child due to me being a child counsellor. Like I must have all the answers hence bubs is so chilled out because I know how to handle every situation.
In all honesty, the readings I did in my training made me aware of child development, but actually being a mother in real life is completely different to what any books say. I am just as much in the dark of what I am doing as I imagine every first time mother may feel. If you don’t then awesome, I think it is great there is confidence in what you do so keep doing it!
However, in all honesty, I am just winging it.
I haven’t got a clue how to raise a baby. I just try to attune to squidger when he is super fussy as best I can and help where I can.
It’s been super challenging lately as he has had a cold, but all he wants to do is walk, but can’t hold his own weight yet so needs fingers for support. With my bad back, it is incredibly difficult to let him walk around all day, but I do try do it a little bit every day to help improve his strength.
In a way I wish he had an interest in crawling because it would take some of the pressure off me, but I do understand every child is different and he just doesn’t want to crawl, which is fair enough. My boy just wants to face the world running; and I fully support that. You go baby! RUN! (Just not in the road please)
Also with the cold he gets so frustrated and tired quickly I find that he has more tears.
In fact my neighbour just yesterday asked if she heard him crying as she has never ever heard him cry! I said yes it was him, and he was poorly. She wasn’t asking as a mean thing like omg your baby cries!!; she has just never heard him cry because she says he is such a content baby and it was a shock to hear him so upset.
Also lately, I have been finding some mummy friends recommending lots of books and things to read about baby development. It kind of made me wonder whether I should be doing lots of reading about baby development, weaning etc. Another reason I feel like I am winging it a lot of the time because I haven’t really done any reading on how to raise a baby.
That’s not me saying I don’t read anything because I am awesome and know what I am doing and can take care of a baby perfectly. Quite the opposite, I haven’t a clue what I am doing and I feel like if I read anything on baby development, I will end up feeling overwhelmed or like I am a bad mother for not doing things the way the book said.
I have enough trouble as I am incredibly hard on myself, I don’t need anyone from the outside telling me I am not a good enough mother also. I am working on my own demons, but these things take a lot of time. It’s over 30 years worth!
But I do also ask for help when I need it, I Google things, or I will ask my health visitor when I go and get bubs weighed, or I will talk to my partner and we can figure things out together.
I guess however there is a part of me that feels like I should be reading and learning as much as I can about how baby develops and milestones etc. I guess it feels like that pressure from society to know what you are doing and get your child ready for pre-school and going back to work or just pressure in general to know what you are doing as a mum, but who really knows?
Even our own parents raised us differently and things are different now. Different generation, different technology, different lifestyles, different incomes, so as much knowledge as they have, which can be really helpful, it’s really difficult because it was all so different back then.
I guess the books that people read can provide comfort and confidence in what they are doing and I think that can be really useful and reassuring, so perhaps I may go back and do the readings from my course again to refresh and keep myself open and available.
It’s just all so tricky isn’t it?